


Fagrid (A Hagrid x Reader fic)

by CultOfAsparagus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: CultOfAsparagus, Hagrid - Freeform, Harry Potter - Freeform, NSFW, Other, Reader-Insert, Rubeus Hagrid's Hut, Rubeus hagrid - Freeform, Vore, fagrid, hagrid x reader, tongue play, y/n
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27634613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CultOfAsparagus/pseuds/CultOfAsparagus
Summary: You land yourself a job at Hogwarts looking for love. You soon find Hagrid the Horrible Half-giant and fall head over heels. In this erotic tale of two forbidden lovers there will be heartbreak, love, betrayal, death, and lust. The only question left is will you get some of dat giant ass or a pink slip?
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore & Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore/Severus Snape, Rubeus Hagrid/Harry Potter, Rubeus Hagrid/Reader
Kudos: 11





	1. Prologue

[A/N: ]Credit for the story idea is to sinofwrath1214 on wattpad. He was the mother who gave birth to this story, and I am merely the midwife who cleansed the baby of its mother's vaginal juices and put it on display.]

(Y/N) Your Name

This was it. Your first day of your new job. You landed a job as the new herbology professor at Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry . They needed a new one, as old one, Professor Sprout, achieved enlightenment after dying in Saint Mango's from a weed-laced hydro flask in the ass incident, so she will not be reincarnating. 

No, they will have to settle for Professor (Y/N), the new single teach in town. A single pringle ready to mingle. You only took this job after finding yourself with several restraining orders for "stalking". So now it was time to find love in the best place: a high school!


	2. The Game of Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Hagrid

(Y/G)- Your gender (Y/P)- Your pronouns

It is 4:20 and your shift just ended. You decide to go down to the castle grounds for an unspecified plot device reason. There you saw a hut that sat next to the Forbidden Forest. Your coworkers had warned you not to go near the hut because that is where Hagrid, the horrible half-giant dwelled. You decide to investigate 'cause you are naive [and I'm too lazy to write a better and more convincing reason so enjoy what definitely isn't the last plot device]

You hear loud and obnoxious crying from the other side of the door. Curious, you gently open the door...

There at a tiny table is a big-ass oaf. His tears are thudding onto the table. You quietly approach him. He is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, like a love child of Sirius Black and Tom Riddle (The nation's greatest sex idols). 

The Oaf doesn't notice you, so you take advantage. You lean close to his gorgeous face. The tears keep coming, and they look delicious, and Oh Rowling! He is just the Oxford's definition of sex appeal. 

You can't resist the temptation, you lean in and plant your tongue on his wet cheek. Slurp! You start to lick up all of his tears, they are salty and juicy in flavor, and more just keep coming! 

The fat oaf sex god finally notices. "Wha' ar' ya doin'?" He asks, his voice boomingly Markiplier deep. It just commanded dominance. 

"Slurping your fluids," You reply, "They are tasty, I tell ya."

"Who even in Rowlin's name ar' ya?" He shoves your hand away from his hairy chest.

"Ooh, slow down, at least let me buy you dinner first. I'm (Y/N), the new herbology professor." You say flirtatiously.

"'erbology porfesso'?" He stopped resisting my licks.

"Yep, I faked my degree through some guy on Craigslist, but let me tell ya, I do got a masters in sex appeal, and you are a new type of sexy."

"I keep ma' door locked, how'd ya get in 'ere?"

"A (Y/G) doesn't reveal (Y/P) secrets. Now tell me why you's crying."

"Snap has bee' mean. Very mean." 

You remember the greasy homeless man at the job-warming party. People called him Snape, but it never accrued to you he worked there. "What a bi-atch." 

You took your final slurp and got up. 

"Imma go slice this boi up." You say walking towards the door, you were slurping for so long it was dark out, "By the way, who are you mystery man?"

"Hagrid."

"Well, by Hagrid. I will find this Snape. He'll know not to mess with you when I'm done with him." You exit like a bad-ass.


	3. Alohoemora

You strut down the Hogwarts corridors like the sexy beast that you are. You have a greasy ball of disappointment to slice up. Now, where could he be?

You approach a door that says "DO NOT ENTER" You try the knob. Locked. 

Just then you remember the super plot devicey spell that completely defeats the fucking purpose of door locks!

"Alohomora." You say say, pointing your wooden dildo at the door. It opens, wow, didn't expect that to happen!

You enter the room...

There you see Snape standing in front of a mirror muttering to himself. You draw closer and you can hear his words:

*Alan Rickman voice* "Ah, yesssss. Those are some nice socks. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ten points to Gryffindor."

"Snape! What are you doing and how the hell did you pronounce ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?"

Snape whipped around, grease running down his abnormally long nose. "(Y/N)! How did you get in here?"

"I ask the questions here, Severus Sperm!" You look into the mirror. There you see Hagrid in a very short dress twirling his beard hair:

There you see Hagrid in a very short dress twirling his beard hair:  
"Uh, Your trying to steal my sexy half-giant!" you scream.

"*You're" Snape yelps right before you leap on top of him.

You're on top of Snape punching him until his nostril blood and snot are flying into your mouth. He starts punching back but it's difficult. 

Suddenly he leans in and kisses you on the mouth, rubbing his against your uvula. It tasted like stale coffee and children's dreams. You continue to kiss everywhere, your body becoming all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"

It was....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Dumbledore!


	4. Vore and More

Dumblewhore looked down at you in shame.

"It's not what it looks like." You say.

Dumbledore's eyes were filled with tears. "You've been cheating on me, Snape!"

"Wat?" You say at this unexpected plot twist.

"Yes, child, Me and Snape have an INTENSE sexual relationship, what about it?" The Whore of Dumble said.

"But Rowling wouldn't write a gay relationship, so something is wrong."

"What's wrong is you were trying to steal my greasy ball of snape!" Dumbledore said calmly, "Prepare to die in hell BITCH!" He waved his wooden dildo at you and You shut you eyes and braved for impact. Impact didn't come. You opened your crusty lids to see Hagrid's thicc ass sitting on top of Dumbledore's mangled body. You was so jelly.

"Hagrid, you saved me!" you yelled with joy.

"He wa' not a goo' man. You hav' a goo' face!" Hagrid gargled from his sexy lips.

"But where did snape go?"

Snape suddenly appeared from behind Hagrid's back with his wooden dildo in hand. Hagrid looked the greasy man in the eyes, he reached his sausage fingers out and grabbed Snape.

"Put me down!" Was the last thing snape said before Hagrid shoved him into his mouth, effectively voring him in the process.

Hagrid belched, "Hmmmm, 'e wa' very goo'" The half-giant said. He got up from Dumbledore's body, which was now so squashed he looked like Flat Stanley.

"Com' back to me place," He ordered, "I go' somethi' to show ye."

You go with him, your mind racing with all the things he could possibly show you.


	5. Somethin' Big and Round

You follow Hagrid back to his hut, your mind racing with all the possible things he could show you. Was it time for that already? You didn't even think you were prepared for it yet.

While you are lost in thought, you make it to the door of Hagrid's hut.

"'Ere we 're" Hagrid's sexy thick vocal cords vibrated. You wonder what else on him is thick.

"Are you sure about this, Hagrid?" You ask.

He only grunts in response, opening the door to the unknown.

You enter to the familiar smell of Hagrid's fluids. He leads you to the kitchen table where you first met a few hours ago. You take a seat.

"Y/N, close ur eyes, me got sumthin' to show yu. Something big and round."

You close your eyes and put out your hands, the anticipation coursing through your bloodstream. You hear rustling and Hagrid's grunts. Suddenly something big, round and cold is lowered into your hands. A shock is spent up your spine. You lightly fondle the delicacy. It is hairless and lumpy, yet hard.

You open your eyes, in your hands is two lumpy black rocks.

"Wah- What is this, Hagrid?"

"ROCK CAKES!" He looked proud of himself.

You take a bite, well you try. The outer shell is hard and burnt. You give up trying to bite into it and just decide to suck on it.

"Are you going to eat with me?"

"No. Snap' hard on Digestiv' Track. 'Is meanness make me tummy hurt. Very hurt." You could listen to this sex god speak all day.

Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door...


End file.
